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DEAR AMY: My babe is accepting affiliated in a year. The bells is a continued way off, but the nightmares are already beginning.

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My babe isn’t the problem, but my mother is! Back I got affiliated my mother a me it was NOT my wedding, but a anniversary she was putting calm and accordingly she would alarm all the shots, which she did.

I almost bethink any of it because I absolutely wasn’t complex in the planning.

Now she is starting this with my daughter.

We alive about 2,000 afar abroad from my mom, at my husband’s insistence. My babe flew there to analysis out a alum affairs and backward with my mom. While there, mom took her dress arcade and BOUGHT her dress. It is not alike article my babe likes, so I alleged the boutique later, and the dress was canceled.

Right now, my babe and her fiancé appetite to elope. I’m accomplished with that but I apperceive my babe wants a nice bells with family. I told her that if they appetite to elope I will abutment that and we’ll acquire a HUGE accession back they return.

I feel they are actuality short-changed, but no one can angle mom’s interference. Trust me, if you knew her, you would apperceive there is no talking to her. What can we do?

Desperate

DEAR DESPERATE: If there is artlessly no talking to your mother, again I vote for not talking to her.

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Your babe and her guy should acquire the bells they appetite to have, afterwards arrest from her grandmother, or you. So far, you accept to be a prime mover apropos your daughter’s affairs — calling to aish her dress and communicating your own estimation of what your babe wants.

So yes, elopement ability be the best abstraction for them, but if they do adjudge to host a wedding, the brace should not allotment any capacity with your mother (nor should you altercate this bells with her).

They should absolute their advice with her to an invitation. They should not acquire any money from her (this puts her in a ability position), and should alone say that they achievement she can accomplish the adventure to arise the ceremony. If your mother can’t handle this, she ability accept to break home, which I accept ability be a abatement for everyone.

You accept to acquire developed adaptation skills, but not necessarily boundary-keeping skills. I advance you assignment on your own aals setting, and abide to analyze the (negative) acquaint your mother has accomplished you.

The Mission at San Juan Bautista, breadth genitalia of Alfred Hitchcock’s “Vertigo” were filmed. The Bay Breadth is generally at the top of the account back it comes to filming locations. (Geri Migielicz/Mercury News)

This angel arise by Marvel Studios shows Paul Rudd in a arena from “Ant-Man and the Wasp.” The cine was partly filmed in San Francisco. (Disney/Marvel Studios via AP)

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In this undated publicity photo arise by Columbia Pictures, actors Jaden Christopher Syre Smith, left, and Will Smith arise in a arena from the blur “The Pursuit of Happyness.” Sharen Davis was the apparel artist for the film. (AP Photo/Columbia Pictures, Zade Rosenthal)

Brad Pitt in a arena from “Moneyball” in an undated advertisement photo . The blur is one of Sony Pictures Entertainment’s 11 pictures at the Toronto International Blur Festival. (Melinda Sue Gordon/Columbia Pictures via The New York Times)

Aaron Leventhal, of Albany stands in advanced of the Brocklebank architecture on Nob Hill in San Francisco, which was in Alfred Hitchcock’s blur “Vertigo,” which turns 50 this year. Leventhal is the coauthor of “Footsteps in the Fog,” a book about Alfred Hitchcock’s films that were attempt in the bay breadth October 8, 2008. (MARIA J. AVILA/MERCURY NEWS)

The bend of Lombard and Jones in San Francisco, which was in Alfred Hitchcock’s blur “Vertigo,” which turns 50 this year, October 8, 2008. (MARIA J. AVILA/MERCURY NEWS)

Here’s the abode in Berkeleythat was acclimated in filming “The Graduate.” Dustin Hoffman’s allowance was beneath the attic eaves. (Courtesy Steven Finacom)

Josh Gad as Steve Wozniak, Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs and Ron Eldard as Ron Holt in “Jobs”. (Glen Wilson/Open Road Films)

Sean Penn (left) and Victor Garber (right) brilliant as real-life gay rights figure Harvey Milk and San Francisco Mayor George Moscone appropriately in Gus Van Sant’s MILK, a Focus Features release. (Phil Bray)

The Powell-Hyde cable car band makes its way up Hyde St. as the Pacific Ocean and Alcatraz Island is apparent in the accomplishments in San Francisco, Friday, Oct. 10, 2008. Alcatraz has been featured in films such as “The Rock.” (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)

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Steve McQueen in a arena from “Bullitt,” 1968. The cine has one of the best acclaimed car hunt scenes of all time and it was filmed in San Francisco.(Mercury News Archives)

Daveed Diggs, left, as Collin and Rafael Casal as Afar in “Blindspotting.” It was filmed in Oakland. (Ariel Nava/Lionsgate)

Tessa Thompson, left, as Detroit and Lakeith Stanfield as Cassius Green in “Sorry to Bother You.” The cine was filmed in Oakland. (Annapurna Pictures)

Bryan Rice leads a bout accumulation at Steiner and Broadway in Pacific Heights in San Francisco, Calif. on Monday, Feb. 3, 2014. Bout guide, Bryan Rice, gives cine buffs a bout of the places breadth Hollywood movies were attempt on area in San Francisco. Rice works for San Francisco Cine Tours. Behind them is the home acclimated in the blur “Mrs. Doubtfire”. (Gary Reyes/Bay Breadth News Group)

“Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” had a arena filmed on Treasure Island. The above argosy abject served as a airship airport in the movie. (Murray Close)

This publicity angel arise by Sony Pictures Classics shows, extra Cate Blanchett, left, administrator Woody Allen, center, and Alec Baldwin on the set of “Blue Jasmine.” It was filmed in San Francisco. (AP Photo/Sony Pictures Classics)

Is it a adversity in the making? Greg Sestero and Tommy Wiseau are reteaming for “Best F(r)iends.” The duo filmed the band classic, “The Room,” partly in San Francisco. (Courtesy of Kristopher MacGregor)

Arnold Schwarzenegger is apparent in this undated book photo from a arena in the cine “Terminator 2.” Schwarzenegger is in talks to reprise his cyborg role in a third chapter of the “Terminator” authorization with James Cameron planning to address and aftermath the movie, Daily Variety arise Tuesday, Dec. 15 1998. (AP Photo/file)

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Emilia Clarke, left, as Sarah Connor and Jai Courtney as Kyle Reese in “Terminator Genisys.” Genitalia of the cine were filmed in San Francisco and Redwood City. (Melinda Sue Gordon/Paramount Pictures)

Scenes for the new “Star Trek” cine are actuality filmed in the National Ignition Facility at the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory, including the Laser Bay. “Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” additionally acclimated the Bay Breadth as a backdrop. (Lawrence Livermore Laboratory)

DEAR AMY: I acquire two cousins — they are sisters who are not on speaking agreement with anniversary other. They are both in their 50s and haven’t announced to anniversary added for a few years. Their altercation came about afterwards they disconnected up their parents’ estate. I acquire approved to break on acceptable agreement with both of them.

Recently, I begin out from the babe of one of these cousins that their mother has terminal cancer.

I’ve been asked to accumulate this advice private, as the accessory with blight doesn’t appetite her sister to apperceive about it. I acquire accustomed her wish, but it makes me feel conflicted because these sisters may never acquire a adventitious to acquire a bigger accord afore the one with blight passes away.

What would you do?

Conflicted

DEAR CONFLICTED: I would account the aloofness of the actuality with a terminal affliction — alike if I didn’t accede with her choice.

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Of course, this places you in a boxy spot, and you ability appetite to abide to animate the ill sister and her ancestors to amend her choice. But it is not up to you to try to arrange a sick-bed alliance amid two bodies who do not appetite to reunite.

DEAR AMY: I was affronted by “Too Old for Drama” proclaiming that because she is “a actual strong, absolute woman,” she has no charge for friendship.

I too am a strong, absolute woman, with abounding admired friends.

Having accompany does not accomplish you anemic or needy; backbone and ability arise in bodies with three friends, 100 accompany or no friends.

No one is answerable to abide accompany with addition who takes all the activity and fun from things, but amuse don’t agree defective accompaniment with actuality of anemic moral character. It artlessly isn’t true.

Good Friend

DEAR FRIEND: I additionally noticed this person’s characterization, and association that “strong, independent” bodies don’t necessarily charge friendships.

Having and befitting accompany is absolutely article that able and absolute bodies do.

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You can acquaintance Amy Dickinson via email: [email protected] Readers may accelerate postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can additionally chase her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.

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