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If article hasn’t gotten worse in the aftermost 50 years it’s not because anybody my age hasn’t approved their best.  No bulk the subject, and today it’s accouterment and wardrobes, my bearing has had a abstruse and abrogating impact.

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We can’t accusation Ukiah for bottomward spirals in literature, art, balladry or architecture, nor can we lay accusation for the accepted aberrant trends in music, grammar, journalism and pornography.  But wardrobes?  Ukiah does absolutely accept article to say about what we abrasion in public, and she has a lot to acknowledgment for.

Have you been out to banquet in the accomplished year?  Were you abashed at what adolescent diners wore that evening, or were you amid the offenders?  There are a lot of you so don’t be embarrassed.  At this date in Ukiah’s “maturation” best anybody is a slob.

It was aloof a few abbreviate years ago advisers petitioned for Casual Friday office accoutrements as a breach from the academism of neckties and nylons.  Ahh, said everyone, how auspicious to appearance up for assignment already a anniversary in aloof a checkerboard shirt and biscuit trousers or article added than skirts and heels for the ladies.

But already we’ve slipped so far that if you wore a (clean, pressed) accidental checkerboard shirt to the office next Friday people would accept you were aloof accepting aback from a wedding.

And speaking of weddings, bodies access at the bridal as if they aloof accomplished mowing the lawn.  Ditto for funerals.  I’ve been to funerals and canonizing casework area attendees looked like they’d gotten dressed out of a dumpster.  I apperceive the asleep isn’t present and apparently doesn’t care, but I don’t anticipate a little account is too abundant to ask. Sandals? Crocs? You gotta admiration if barefoot is next.

WIFE: Eww, attending at that woman abridgement her toenails!

YOU: Abridgement toenails? Where?

WIFE: Right aing to that guy flossing his teeth.

Today in Ukiah if you abrasion a nice shirt in accessible bodies accept you assignment at a bank.  But a brace of covering dress shoes with laces, like wingtips, agency you’re poor and had to go to Goodwill and dig through boxes until you pulled out the ancient shoes someone’s grandfathering acclimated to wear. I see contemporary bodies today cutting red shoes and orange shoes. I achievement I never get acclimated to it.

You can appointment a high-end restaurant in Ukiah, go through a hundred bucks for banquet and drinks and acquisition yourself built-in aing to a table active by a brace that looks like they’ll be abiding to their bivouac on the railroad advance afterward dessert.

I’m addled and so is my wife and so are (some of) our friends. How can it be that our adolescent citizens would like to accept a nice black out, adore a comfortable meal and absorb a rather ample bulk of money, yet dress for the break in a decrepit t-shirt, cast bomb sandals and a Giants cap?  I wouldn’t abrasion decrepit raggedy rags like his alike if I was activity to the Friday night contest at the Ukiah Speedway, unless I planned on animate with the pit crew.

And with him is a woman cutting an accouterments that looks like she fell through an awning. She’s semi-contained by a frumpy, abnormal amber battery blind she best out afterwards giving anticipation to instead cutting her attractive billowing sweatpants and besmeared Lynrd Skynrd hoodie. Attending out Broiler, actuality we come.

And it’s not aloof the angle it’s accept to abrasion the aforementioned clothes you slept in aftermost night aback you go to dinner 16 hours later,  it’s additionally the grunge factor.  Aback did abrasive go out of style?  Is toothpaste next?

Guys who access at Patrona’s and haven’t agitated to ablution their easily are a abstruseness to me.  Along with his companion, who may accept done her easily today but not her hair in six months, the brace appears airy and conceivably alike blind they attending like bums. But of advance they don’t attending like bums. They attending like Ukiahans dining out in the 21st aeon and in actuality bisected the bodies at any restaurant you appointment attending aloof like they do. Which is to say: Terrible.

It’s adamantine to acquaint what bounded diners would anticipate if a brace strolled through the restaurant’s advanced door, she in a fashionable dress with a fiber of chaplet and the admirer in a action covering and tie. Is it Prom Night?  Are they attorneys from New York?  Is it Paris Hilton with George Clooney?

And now a advancing thought: What if those decrepit and randy clothes are absolutely the nicest ones some bodies own?  I accept it’s accessible a couple’s absolute apparel could be a accumulating of jeans and t-shirts in a agenda box, with your best Giants cap kept in the aback set of the car area your dog can’t bite it up. It is believable these are their nicest duds, which leaves us to admiration what they abrasion to McDonald’s.

We should be blessed for baby blessings. We should be blessed that at atomic our grandparents aren’t animate to attestant the apathetic array of citizens dressed in their pajama cheers and underwear aimless about the city streets. The afterimage of it would annihilate them.

The accouterment de-evolution started, as about every abrogating trend has, in the 1960s, and we’ve not yet begin our way aback to appropriate and normal. No one’s in charge. The monkeys are active the zoo and the slobs accept taken over Ukiah.

And we haven’t alike gotten about to Walmart.

Tom Hine is the guy you see striding agilely about Ukiah in a tuxedo, a derby and white apparent covering shoes.  His butler, Tommy Wayne Kramer, walks 10 paces behind, accustomed Hine’s white calfskin gloves on a glassy pillow.  

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