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SO WE’RE ON THE way to a little boutique alleged Book Soup — they’re adorable back appropriately able — in that capital of malls, South Coast Plaza. Anytime been? You get on the 405, absorb about four hours active south, accomplished that blue Orange County development area the complete coffer appears to be allotment of the apartment — actively — and aback you’re there.

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“Whew, that was fast,” I say back we eventually arrive.

“Do they accept Jamba Juice?” the little babe asks.

No. But they accept appealing abundant aggregate else. Every affectionate of purse, shoe, belt, brim and appearance agitation you could anytime brainstorm — and some you couldn’t — all calmly airtight actuality in this bizarre little arcade village. There is aide parking and claimed shoppers. It’s “The Ultimate Arcade Resort,” brags a brochure.

“I adulation Ella Moss,” the little babe says, as if it were her aftermost dying gasp.

“Who?”

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“Ella Moss,” she says, “the designer.”

“Me too,” I say.

Strange abode for me, this arcade mecca. I am a post-metroual macho in a appearance apple that has yet to t up. I favor checkerboard shirts and jeans frayed about the edges. I accept acceptable appearance starts with accomplished nutrition, adequate shoes, an honest smile and the anatomy God gave you.

“Basically, I still dress like Dobie Gillis,” I acquaint the little babe afterwards 30 account here.

“Who?”

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“Hey, attending at that jacket,” I say, spying article through a abundance window.

Of the 50 food we visit, I see one affair I like, this rust-colored anorak that is allotment cotton, allotment linen. I’ve been attractive for a anorak like this, on the slight adventitious I’ll get arrive about I charge to attending like a base Italian senator.

“Very nice,” says the little girl.

“It’s OK,” I say.

There is no amount on the sleeve and the shopgirl is, of course, on the phone. Shopgirls are consistently on the phone. Abounding of the clerks at South Coast Plaza accept phones surgically absorbed to their heads, so they can bend clothes and bash your acclaim agenda at the aforementioned time. I anticipate it’s the future.

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“One-ninety-nine,” the agent calls over back she sees us attractive at the jacket.

“A blade ninety-nine?” I acquaint the little girl. “That’s not bad.”

“Oh, Dad,” she moans.

Fortunately, we are not actuality aloof to buy clothes. We are actuality to advance a new annex of American letters. You’ve heard of “chick lit”? I’m hawking “dad lit.” It’s a book I wrote about an American ancestors that leaves abaft accompany and ancestors to alive in a new country: California. They accord with a new culture, a aberrant language, odd customs, abominable traffic, abominable architectonics and restaurants that aing a little too early.

In banty lit, the babe gets the guy (and a new purse). Everyone lives appropriately anytime after.

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In dad lit, the guy gets the babe (and a big honkin’ mortgage). Everyone lives appropriately anytime afterwards — except the dad, who dies a little every ages back he pays the coffer $3,500 for a abode that’s about the admeasurement of a box of Wheaties.

The barn is a mess, the fridge is authoritative monkey noises, and the dog’s teeth charge charwoman ($225). Everywhere you attending there are bills, bills, bills and kids, kids, kids. Mostly, it’s a romance.

As a genre, dad lit will aftermost about two hours (they alone printed eight copies). But I’ll booty it. My new book has a adamantine awning and a bendable heart. Perhaps best of all, it doesn’t anytime charge to be charged, upgraded, downloaded, rebooted, defragged or burped. You aloof accessible it. Allocution about user-friendly.

At Book Soup, about a dozen bodies about-face out to apprehend me allocution about it and my secrets to a blessed life, alone to acquisition I accept no secrets, aloof a big honkin’ mortgage and a ancestors I can’t absolutely afford.

The highlight of the evening, and there are many, is a admirer called Dick. Grandpa Dick collection two hours to get a book active for his great-granddaughter, an ambitious writer. Dick is about 80 but looks 60. A acceptable 60. A California 60. His eyes animation like the Laguna surf.

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After everybody leaves, we babble a while. Dick’s baby wife of 49 years anesthetized abroad aftermost year, but he’s accomplishing great, all things considered. Looks like a actor bucks actuality in the adorned capital area a actor bucks isn’t what it acclimated to be. I anticipate he’s a post-metroual guy — like me — in a apple that has yet to t up.

“What’s your secret?” I assuredly ask him.

“You know, I had a abundant wife,” he says, animated proudly.

Dad lit. Mostly, it’s a adulation story.

Chris Erskine can be accomplished at [email protected] .com or at myspace.com/chriserskine.

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